Thursday, June 19, 2014

Honey, I blew up my Sheffield Soup Maker! Why---read on.

When I was younger, a friend labelled me in a very descriptive manner. He called me 'rip shit and bust.' What a terrible insult you say. Well no---actually he was quite accurate. You see, I have a propensity to buy things and just switch them on without reading the instructions and 'warning signs.'
Let me explain a modem day version of this former self.
I am a sucker for buying things from 'As Seen ON TV,' or from many of the online shops. I purchase clothing and whatever takes my fancy, especially when they have massive discounts. Now, you all know how much I still love cooking, even after my Bariatric surgery, after which I lost 45 kilos and have maintained that loss quite successfully. This blog is NOT about that journey; well not directly that is.
I recently acquired a Sheffield Soup Maker and from what I can see online, at a very good price---NZ$69. The same product is quite a bit dearer on other sites. My site was Off the Back. I have brought other Sheffield products and they have been fine, so why not I thought, having watched (or not!) the video, I decided that the delicious soups and smoothies were right up my alley.
For a couple of weeks I have made wonderful healthy soups and taken them to work, often sharing them with whoever wants to try my made-up recipes. You can get soups in about 30 minutes in a no fuss way and it is easy to clean. This is beginning to sound like an advert, but this is also where no one would want me advertising their products--not after what I have managed to do!
Tonight I grabbed some of my mate Doug's leftover wonderful greens, chucked them in the soup maker and emptied a can of lentils into the mix along with a teaspoon of low-salt stock powder. I put a tablespoon of water  and turned it on.
I watched the news and about 15 minutes later I heard the sound of the whirling blades as they smoothed  the soup into a deliciously smelling delight. Ya reckon? All of a sudden the house was plunged into darkness. Bloody hell---was this an attack by aliens or had a freak storm launched itself upon a relaxed Auckland? NO---- none of the above!
We stumbled around, searching for the latest acquisition from Off The Back. Yes I had just received an 'emergency light' that could be cranked to provide light via a mini dynamo. Its also does lots of other things, but you can wait for another blog to hear about that. Needless to say, I couldn't find it in the dark, so we used the light from the cell phone as a torch and sought out the power board whereupon we turned the switches on that had flicked off. I immediately KNEW what had triggered the outage, because we checked to see if the neighbours lights were on. Yes they were, so it had to be what I had done.
It was my Soup Maker! How did I known this? Well I turned it back on---twice----you guessed it---the feckin power went out again. I cast my brains back to the sound that I had thought was a bit suspicious when the soup was cooking. It had whined away for far longer than it should and at a decibel that was not like the other times when I had made soup. I KNEW what I had done. I had not put enough water in and sure enough, the motor had burnt out! It was not Mr Sheffield's fault--- no it was me ignoring the instructions that I had NOT read properly. If Mrs Brown (Of Mrs Brown's Boys fame) read this she would not say---'That's nice!'
She would call me a feckin idiot and slap me stupid. Rip shit and bust for sure!
Am I pissed of at Sheffield?---hell no. I have already ordered my new one, Expensive lesson, and  soup will be back on the menu, sometime next week. The buggered one---it's already on its way to the recycler! I do not intend to use the guarantee because that would be dishonest. I have many more tales of equally pertinent events that explain the name my friend gave way back when my hair was thicker. But---they can wait.
www.authorneilcoleman.com