Given that the USA is by far the biggest readership for my blogs, then it's about time I made my books available at a reasonable cost. I accept that the prices as quoted on my website (plus postage) is not an attractive deal. I am in discussion with my printer (The Colour Guy) to see if we can stick my books on Amazon and also convert them to Ebooks so that you can read them on Kindle and other media. I shall keep you posted.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Goodbye Pork Pie part 5--Let me down!--Now!
Hey---let me down---now! I’m sick of been stuck up here and you tell me that I’m not going to be on the road until way after the holidays. What am I expected to do while you’re all stuffing your faces at Xmas. Fun for me---not.
Oh well, I shall just be patient and dream of that long stretch of the Desert Road, buzzing along at 100 KPH. I doubt that I will go much faster than that.
I wonder who is going to buy me. I expect a clean garage and a weekly bath---got it! I also expect nice people driving me--- no drunks. Hell, it’s taking long enough to get me right, so stuffed if I’m gonna let drunks in me. I’ve seen the looks I’m getting. Some of you think I’m yours now. If I have any say, it will be one of you guys who work on me all the time.
By the way--- I have a little secret. I can talk too, so listen up next time you are around me. You’d be amazed at what I’ve seen in my two lives.
This is a biggie for me---- but then, that's why I'm doing it!
‘What the hell is he on about now?’ you may ask. I know I have had some pretty wacky blog posts over the last two years, but this one may take the cake---or not take the cake. That is what possibly spurred me on to making this decision---too much cake!
I have made a huge decision about my ‘battle of the bulge.’ This battle has gone on for the last 30 years, one way or the other. I have tried many diets and I won’t list them here. I will list them in forthcoming blogs and yet another book that I shall be writing over the next 18 months. I had hope that I could get a publisher behind me this time, but that probably won’t happen. I am well versed in the self-publishing pathway now and I know how to cut out unnecessary costs, but costs it will. That’s why you are all going to buy my other three books and pass on my blog to your mates, along with my website—I wish. (www.authorneilcoleman.com )
I don’t want to write this as it will appear in my book, but I am going to give you an idea what has led me to my momentous decision. In summary, I was a skinny kid and right through to about 35; I never worried about my weight. I could eat what I liked and in that, I excelled. A BBQ would consist of copious amounts of the ‘charred stuff’ with repeat servings; then came several plates of dessert. I am sure some of you can relate to that. I didn’t know it then, but I was setting myself up for some major health issues a few years down the track. At the time it was full-on,’ and if I ever thought I needed to lose a few kilos, I just did it. It seemed to ‘melt off’ with a bit of exercise and cutting down a little; like not having so much spread on my bread.
Things changed once I hit 45. I started the ‘diet wars,’ and yes they worked, but I always got to a point when something inside me snapped, and----goodbye diet and hello yet more weight. So began that yo-yo treadmill. Each time I lost weight, it would go back on at some stage and then some, with a vengeance. My body seemed to be saying---‘I’ll get you, you bastard---- how dare you starve me!’
My weight gradually trended up, until one day I hit the magic 100 kilos. I embarked on yet more diets and the same thing happened. Many people gave me advice, ranging from the doctor to ‘well-informed’ friends and colleagues. The weight came off and then went back on. I attended gyms and quickly realized that such a pathway was just not in me. I did research, firstly in the myriad of books available and then on the net. The pattern repeated and the weight went on; you know in that up-down-up squiggle on a graph, but the trend was always up.
The doctor’s voice became increasingly urgent as I developed all the ‘full-house’ of health issues that go along with being very over weight. I started to hear the words ‘stomach bypass’ and bariatric surgery. Hell, that wasn’t for me. I would try yet again, sort of knowing that it wouldn’t work.
Finally, I went to the doctor for a renewal of my many pills and my doctor wasn’t there. In my mind, I was beginning to accept that I couldn’t do this on my own anymore. I was lacking energy and even daily walks with a Jack Russell couldn’t take the weight off. At best, it stopped going on, but by then, I was obese and my health could only take a major downturn in the near future. The doctor gave it to me straight, mirroring the words of my own doctor and using the language I understood.
I made up my mind, there and then and he gave me the contact details for a bariatric surgeon. I also left a message for my regular doctor, saying that I wanted to go ahead. A problem nagged at me though. I am too old for the freebie from the State, so I have to do this on my own with a little help from my insurance company. What the hell--- what’s another $20,000 on my mortgage? This way, I shall be around to pay it. Thus begins my journey!
New Zealand, 100% pure---well no, and stop shooting the messenger!
Anyone with half a brain has known and often cringed when they see the 100% pure advertising claims. If they have travelled even a few kilometres they would see that this is simply not true. If they drove to a river where industry or big time dairy farming is the predominant factor then they would be doubly cynical about the claims. Check out the figures for faecal matter at many of our city beaches and they would not go swimming at times.
Along comes an honest guy who dares to question NZ’s ‘Greenness’ and what happens. Politicians call him an ‘economic traitor.’ I don’t. Perhaps it is most timely that he has reminded us of the falseness behind the claims we make about our environment. I am not saying that NZ is polluted to the extent of many other countries or that life is hazardous here or that we risk our health every time we go for a swim or drink from a mountain stream, but I am saying that it is about time that we woke up and owned that which is less than good.
Yes, New Zealand is a beautiful and outwardly green country but we have many aspects of our environment that need addressing. Only when that has been achieved, should we use that 100% claim and then we should back it up with the facts that such a claim requires. The claim has been silly to say the least from the beginning of the campaign. We would be much better off slowly forgetting it or at least pulling back from its ‘sanctimonious embellishment of what is not true.
Let’s embrace the words of the brave man who has brought this to our attention and move towards that position as the greenest country in the world. In the meantime, shall we just pretend to be hobbits living under mountains with fresh (not pure!) running streams and bathing our hairy little feet as we sit on a non-rock-snot encrusted boulder?
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