Don’t read on if you are one of those people who throw up your hands and say, ‘too much information!’ I’ve had a shit of a day so far and form what I have read, that is par for the course when you start Optifast.
I began with a chocolate shake and that was nice. Somehow when I get to the end of this month, I shall be singing a different story about the shakes that come with Optifast. I drove out to East Auckland for a course on TIT (Traumatic Incident Team). My Associate Principal and my DP came too. The traffic was terrible and I listened with interest to the radio and a report that our esteemed Mayor, Len Brown was caught up in a traffic gridlock that was purportedly the worst in memory. He apparently got out of his car and walked to an appointment. That move is one that he used to highlight his ‘plans’ for public transport in Auckland and his pet railway tunnel scheme.
The course was great but I felt like crap (sorry, that is the theme from now on!) as all the water I am meant to drink had the effect of me visiting the nearby toilet. It wasn’t long before the breakfast shake began to percolate in my tummy with the inevitable result about an hour into the course. I tried to delay my ‘visit’ but in the end I reached point where I would cause an embarrassing moment and possibly the shutting down of the room for the day.
I made it to the toilet and after xxxxxxnnnnnnnrrrr I returned to the seminar room. Man, did I feel sorry for anyone ‘going’ after me. I felt a lot better, for a while, but that was when the bloody cramps hit me, in the back of my left thigh. Every time I moved, they hit, for about four minutes. I tried not to wiggle but my demeanour by that time was reaching new lows. Then, low and behold, they stopped and I was able to relax again.
Lunch was served, but not for me. Out came by mixed berry Optifast bar. I noticed a few strange looks as I slowly munched through the bar. It was almost as if some wanted to say, ‘what the hell are you doing, not eating the nice sandwiches, cake and sausage rolls? Are you some strange religion that doesn’t partake in this food?’ I then ate my apricot and began to feel good again. My spirits were up and I contributed to the course content in the hour after lunch. I only needed to visit Mr ‘T’ once in the short time before we were released.
When I arrived home, naughty Perdy decided that she wasn’t ready for her walk. Normally she is manic and jumps around imploring me to get her into the car and down to the Onehunga Lagoon. (Maybe she has read ‘Talk To Me’ where she goes under the name, ‘Spot’ in the story). Not this time. Somehow she was entranced by some sort of critters on the bank and all of my pleas to get in the car were ignored. Stuff it I thought. You can bloody well go later, after I have replaced the lost ‘fluids’ and had a rest.
Sure enough, she tired of her shenanigans on the bank and demanded to be taken for her ‘never-to-be-missed’ walkies. ‘You’re shit out of luck girl. I’m gonna have a sleep.’
She left me alone, thank God. I lay on my bed and the aroma of a chicken casserole, made by Rio, permeated the bedroom. Damn,’ why does he have to cook something so wonderful when he knows what I will be having later? Oh well, that is what I need to adjust to, a very different life. One good thing is that I shall be able to eat a tiny portion in about two months. Bring it on; anything is better than the veggie soups. I think that I shall make them disappear and substitute them with chicken soup sachets!