Saturday, April 19, 2014

I almost got arrested, courtesy of Perdy, my Jack Russell!

I am at a loss as to what to call this blog, but here are some starters:
'He' sent me to purgatory!
1) The bitch on the motorway.
2) Pukeko versus Jack Russell.
3) Where's my feckin phone when I need it!?
4)  'Of course I'm not a demented criminal, officer--I always walk along the motorway, with mud stained clothes!'
5) I could not have shimmied under that fence, a year ago!

OK, you get the picture. I have probably summed up my afternoon already but here's the unabridged version.
I had half of an Easter egg today and it really tested the 'new' me. Yes, I felt sick so a long walk in the drizzle was in order. Off we went to our beloved Onehunga Bay; the very one that delivered my lunch yesterday, in the form of the beautiful mushrooms. Two days could not be so different in their outcome!
On arriving at the car park, there in the distance was Finn, one of Perdy's BFFE (best friends for ever)  jumping with joy at the prospect of whatever mischief the two could get up to. Man, they delivered. About half way down the back path siding the motorway, both dogs disappeared into the bushes. I had seen a flash of a dark coloured bird flying into scrubby bushes and I should have known what was about to eventuate. I knew that there were gaps whereby a small dog could escape onto the motorway, but so far Perdy had always come back after a quick look. She did but a few minutes later the dogs disappeared again. Once again Perdy came back and was content on chasing her orange ball.
We continued our walk, chatting away, enjoying the mild weather, not at all put off by a few drops of rain. The world was as it should be---well for a while.
All of a sudden, Fin started barking and we heard that desperate sound birds make when they are cornered. My friend shot into the bushes, where both dogs had headed. They were chasing the Pukeko, which is a swamp bird, well known for its stroppy nature. It had escaped under the fence; Finn could not follow, but Perdy most definitely could!---and did.
I pushed my way through the bushes, catching site of the Pukeko as it faced up to Perdy. It was having nothing of the crazy dog and the two alternated between mad thrusts--one pecking and the other lunging, like a mongoose. Neither made contact from what I could see, and neither was giving up. Needless to say, Perdy had entered into a world; one in which I was not present.
The Pukeko moved closer to the motorway and my head filled with horrible scenarios, all resulting in a loss that drove me to desperation. How the hell was I going to get through that fence. I could not climb over it---but there was a larger gap.
I know I could not have done what I was about to do a year ago---I would not have fitted and would have most likely suffered some sort of fit or hearft attack. I slivered under the gap, almost ripping my clothing and covering my back with mud. I followed the two fighting animals, one bird and a crazy dog, who WAS NOT listening to her master.
 I followed them through the bushes, marvelling at the Lancewoods and young Totara trees. How the heck could I even notice such wonders of nature at a time like this? The Pukeko was still trying to attack Perdy who nimbly jumped out of the way. I hoped that the bird would somehow connect and deliver a telling blow in order to stop her tormentor. NO such luck.
Several times I almost caught Perdy before she chased the bird further down the motorway. By now I was several hundred metres along the side of the motorway. How was I going to catch the little sod?
Just when I thought I had her, both of them slipped back under the fence, heading back into the park, where my friend Jenny was with Finn, calling out to Perdy.
I hoped that they would stay on that side. In the meantime I crashed back through the scrub and walked along the motorway, back towards the only gap I could get through. I must have been quite a sight, because someone obviously rang the police; probably reporting an escaped criminal, because that is what I looked like by this time. Yes---a police car pulled up along side me. I approached it, readying my unlikely story. I was thinking of ringing the SPCA, the fire department and all sorts of other 'useless in this situation,' organizations.
 The policeman rolled own his window with a look on his face of utter confusion.
'My bloody Jack Russell---it's chasing a damned Pukeko---I was gonna ring you, but I lost my phone somewhere in the bushes,' I stammered. 'But I think the bitch has just got back under the fence---I was gonna ring ya but what the heck could you do---she isn't exactly coming to me eh, but I think she will stay there now---my friends on the other side.'
He didn't say a word. Apart from the fact that he couldn't get a word in, with my mad diatribe (Stop laughing, sister Janice!)
The policeman smiled and just put the window up and continued on his way. He had not said a word!
I slithered back under the fence and there was my phone: It had dropped out of my pocket when I had followed Perdy.
I did not know what to expect but a sight met me that could have been so much worse. There was Jenny, with both dogs, Finn walking on his own, and Perdy firmly attached to Finn's lead, looking as if nothing had happened. She greeted me with a lick and I teetered between screeching my tits off and just accepting that---this is what Jack Russells do!
The walk back to the car, was one of relief mixed with---hell--what more can this park of adventure deliver in the space of 24 hours. Oh well---it's our park and we take what comes There may be a slight difference in approach when we head down the motorway side from now on though. Me thinks, it may be on leash or at least--closely supervised!
If this was a year ago, when I was very much fatter (pre bariatric surgery days, I am not sure the result would have been the same. What is Perdy doing right now?---why---she's asleep on the bed, probably dreaming of that damned Pukeko! What a day.

This one's for China. The country that is starting tn overtake my other readers. Great!

Why am I pleasantly surprised that China is the country that is starting to read my blogs at a rate that is fast approaching 'light speed.' Think about it for a moment. There are probably more English speakers now in China than there are in the UK and one hell of a lot more than in my own country of 4.4 million people. So----I am assuming that many of these  English speaking 'friends' are reading English language books,  both for enjoyment and to further improve their English. I just hope that my particular version doesn't get them into trouble because of my Kiwi English. I better be careful that I do not use language that is too colloquial.
OK, my Chinese blog readers; I am about to relaunch one of my books (ROSKILL) on Amazon. It will be available as hard copy and as a download. I believe that my 'producer' is making available free as a download form to those who buy the hard copy on Amazon. I think the price is about $US15 for the hard copy version. Roskill is a story about a problem we face in New Zealand re dangerous drug---we call it 'P.' You possibly know it as Methamphetamine. Unfortunately, some of the 'precursors' needed for 'cooking (manufacturing) the drug are smuggled in illegally form China. The New Zealand police, border control and other agencies are working closely with the Chinese authorities to try to stop this terrible trade. The drug destroys families and businesses. Lives are damaged and it is very difficult to break away from this drug. I guess China knows only too well about what happens when a drug is introduced to society and the terrible costs. One only needs to look back into history and the 'Opium Wars,' when Britain caused terrible harm to Chinese society in the 19th Century. My book, ROSKILL, tells the story of a family and how it is nearly destroyed when the father starts taking 'P.' It is a book that all teenagers should read and parents too, because how often have you told your children to behave in a certain manner, but do not do so yourself, as parents? It is a book that tells of a problem that can be found in any country, city or town, around the world. IT is a story that will resonate with all countries; telling of the pain that unites us all as inhabitants of the world community.
Look out for the launch in my website, my Chinese readers (and others). I have invested much in the way of resources to make sure that ROSKILL is a quality product. I have employed book designers, editor, proof-readers and digital producers to make sure ROSKILL is as good as I can get it. It is now over to you to decide whether this has all been worth while. Go to my website and check out a free sample. Then---once it is live and ready to purchase (should be available from late April) or download, buy your copy. I would really appreciate your feedback. Please share this blog on your social media circle and with your friends.
Kind regards,
Neil Coleman. (Writer of uniquely New Zealand stories.)