Germany--- are you reading my books?

I know that Germany is increasingly reading my blogs, bunt I am not so sure that those same people are downloading my books. I wish that was so, but----anyway---check out my website Germany and read the books by clicking on 'Neil's Books,' and following the links to ROSKILL and TALK TO ME. The two books are very different in nature. Roskill is a sad story but one that carries a message of hope. When a family is threatened by an insidious drug, the mother steps up, even as she watches her family pull apart. Talk To Me is a dark, cynical, yet humorous book that takes the piss out of the talk back radio industry. Perdy (Spot, in the book!) is a little star. She wants the book to be made into a film so she can reach for the stars! Help make that happen, by downloading the two books. www.authorneilcoleman.com

The Coast unleashed a furry last night!

The Coast has been responsible for a return to good health for me since joining the friendly inhabitants down here. I love the vistas, the feeling one gets whilst walking along nearby beaches and bush roads, all close to where we live. Then, there are the rocks I have started collecting and polishing in a tumbler. I can't wait for the first batch to be processed---it only takes month! Patience, dear boy, I say to myself. Now---lets visit a fact of life here on the Coast. We live beneath beautiful mountain range---a rain forest i gues. Last night we were reminded of that fact. Yes, much of northern New Zealand was probably in the same position---we were visited by copious amounts of rain. I came---it poured down the driveway. We had been warned that the manner in which the road is constructed, it can cause issues on our drive. You guess it---it kept coming and coming---right into our garage. It has happened before, but this time, it decided to give the garage a bloody good wash-out! Thank goodness we had spent the better part of the afternoon, yesterday, moving thins around and taking stuff inside. BUT---the water managed to make it all the way to the back of the garage. Some books were damaged and for a while, I thought our big stereo, which we are going to sell, because it is too damn big for out lounge, would have copped it. Nope! The box was dry and the way I had packed it meant that only the manual was on the bottom and even that seems OK. Buggered if i know how it stayed dry. OK---where to from here? I shall visit the Council tomorrow to see what they suggest, given that the water comes off the road and the side drains seem unable to cope. Somehow, I suspect that that option has already been explored by the previous owners. The solution will possibly be in creating a barrier/diversion and a sump hole. We shall also sore things on pallets, because the water never exceeds about an inch at most, so it's not the end of the world, just bloody annoying. Please come out sun! Oh well, I think that's the end of dancing for the Rain Gods, for a while.

What the F are you up to Israel?!

Take a look at the figures today. They supposedly represent the number of hits on my blog page for one day. Normally I get about 50 for the day unless it's a particularly 'good day.' Every so often, maybe about once in six months I see something like this---a huge number of hits from Israel. I have tried to contact Google to see if they can throw some light on this weird phenomenon. but they never respond. I am concerned that my blog page is being used for nefarious purposes! I am not over reacting--I am being circumspect---why would this huge number occur---surely if the numbers were genuine, I would see a knock-on effect re sales of my books or downloads from Amazon, because there is a direct link to my website---the original reason for me setting up the blog---to re-direct traffic to my website to sell my books. What then is the purpose of these 'hits?' Could someone please suggest (yeah I know---there will be some 'comical replies from my dear friends---you are in my sights fools---lol) but I really need to get to the bottom of these events. In the meantime---please go and download my books so I can fund some new 'stories!' Entry Pageviews Israel 2106 New Zealand 22 Russia 20 United States

I was in the middle of an 'air-raid,' on the Coast today.

Now don't get me wrong, folks---I am OK. I survived. NO---New Zealand has not departed from its peaceful state---it has not entered yet another stupid and endless war, following on the footsteps of the USA, like it usually does or enacts that'Where Britain goes, we go,' folly! NO---this was far more basic in its stance, more down to earth---well in the sky above the bay to be exact. Whilst I was walking Perdy, we were suddenly assailed by the noise of an approaching cloud of screaming feathered Stuka bombers. One seagull had been lucky enough to score a wiggling silver morsel, to then be attacked by other wannabe breakfast club members. NO---they were not content to go get their own---they had to have THAT particular fish! It was bedlam in the sky; I seriously thought that they would swoop on us and unleash a sign of their displeasure in the form of a slimy stinky poop! Of course, Perdy took it all in her stride. She has long given up on catching one of them unless they are way too slow to launch. Hell, they have no intention of being her lunch! She just watched, and sniffed around amongst the rocks, while I kept an eye on the shenanigans in the sky. I had to admire the skill with which they manoeuvred their fluffy frames. The original claimant of the fish had long since lost its bounty; the race had been more like a relay as first one dropped it and another dived down and caught it, only to lose it whilst taking a turn too fast, then another. This went on until finally, one of them managed to swallow it on 'the wing.' Then---they simply dispersed as if nothing had happened and peace resumed over the skies of Tararu.

On the 'Coast,'---I just can't do it!~------

I have tried so hard to make the transition from the madness of Auckland, but there are just some things that I can not do. It has taken me a while to get it---to realize that it is simply too much----to achieve the 'place' in my life where I can handle this serious issue---it jumps up on me all the time. I did not think that such manifestations of a life that was left behind in Auckland would creep up and affect me in this way---but it has.I guess---for some people---it would be too much and they would give in---but I thought I would give it one more try. Here's how it panned out today. While Rio was getting a hair-cut, I thought I would test yet again this strange phenomenon: just ONCE more. Perdy and I dropped Rio off in the main street and headed for the walk behind the field and the supermarket. My anxiety levels were bubbling away---gradually increasing. I was determined not to let the beast get to me---it bloody well did!'It's OK, Perdy,' I said, trying to make sure she didn't suffer from the 'spill-over' effect--you know---pick up on my anxiety! The first target approached; a dear old lady in one of those ubiquitous ride-on wheel chairs. 'Don't worry, Perdy---we will just ignore her and rush past her--no worries, eh!' Yeah right. No sooner had we approached within hailing range when the sweet old lady committed the sin of demanding an interaction of the non-Auckland category----you know---taking time to talk! 'Is she friendly?' she asked--then, 'May I touch her?' I looked at Perdy as if to say--'over to you little hairy friend.' Perdy sniffed and the lady was able to bend from the riding device, which as per usual, garnered my interest, in the admission that such a machine may well be part of my future, hopefully one that does not attract a fine like the one I received today for my excessive speed! Five minutes later, the gracious lady released us from her clutches and sent us on our way, having invited us to partake in similar meetings in the future. Two minutes later, then five after that, the experience was 'mirrored'---over and over again. Perdy seems to have accepted that 'this is life on the Coast,' suggesting to me that I better bloody well just get on with it and 'get in the groove re Coastal life.' This is what people do--and guess what---I give up and will just enjoy it. I love this slower pace and yes, I CAN DO IT. I suspect that I am not a shy ex-Aucklander! I was just hiding my shyness in the mangroves that flank the walkway. Yeah----I can do it and to hell with time!

Talk back radio---wow---thank God-the callers aren't running the country---maybe they are!

I often listen to Talk Back radio---Call it 'research,' if you like--or 'punishment,' if you feel like it. Maybe the callers represent 'Middle New Zealand,' that possibly large segment of society that exists 'out there,' silently (Well, not if they are calling in!) suffering the 'impositions' of our elected politicians or the 'perceived threats, that are apparently 'coming to NZ to take over, to impose Sharia law---the list goes on. Some of the 'callers today, may be spurred on by their understanding of what is happening in the USA----you k now---that country that 'have guns, will use, and is at war with itself!' Oops--I am getting ahead of myself. Let's bring it back to NZ. One would think that the many views, as expressed on radio talk back, yeah a bit like "As Seen ON TV,' minus the nice package that arrives on your doorstep, to be stored in the garage for a Trade Me sale, later on! Yes the views expressed are a range of the kooky, the sublime, the take the piss and the occasional gem!I see talk back as entertainment and I know---that will be seen as arrogant, but if you listen to enough of it, it is either that stance or one where you become hot under the collar. Bottom line---- to the the radio stations, it is ABOUT making money: nothing more, nothing less! Yeah I know, some of you see the programmes as a 'mouthpiece of the incumbent Government'---the radio stations merely lackeys for the former. OK---I love to take the piss. Wanna know what I mean? Then----go to my website and download my book Talk To Me.' If you want to take it seriously and get back to me with enlightened arguments as to the 'falseness of my 'story,' then go for it.Go to the site and follow the links for the download---it will cost you stuff all and you may suffer form a few giggles or outright---rage! Your choice. Oh---while you are at it---download ROSKILL Right ---get busy and start downloading and sharing my post. Who's that girl in the picture? Why---she's the STAR of Talk To Me. www.authorneilcoleman.com

Tales and tails from the Coast!

There be many strange tales emanating from the Coast. You may not always be there, first hand to hear, to observe, hence my propensity to illuminate your day with a direct report from the 'source' of some rather unusual sights. I even predict some discomfort re some of these episodes---sort of in the vein of a 'warning,' because one does not want to cause any issues on the 'morrow.' AS some of you may know, a growing number of Aucklanders are moving to the Coast---Thames in particular and then make the daily journey back to the big smoke for work. Others, like myself, only return a day a week and even then, try to find an excuse NOT to make the journey. The Coast is a place of magic, of fantasy, so there are other solutions for the more 'unusual amongst us. Take for example, someone very close to me---he has come up with his solution for the journey, quite different and I suspect, not one that most of us would attempt. For a start it involves the use of a tail and given the natural human resistance to wearing a tail---well-------oh come on folks---they have been around for aeons---mermaids and mermen! So---if you are travelling by boat or any other floating craft tomorrow, because you either work in or on the sea, or transverse the shorter distance between Auckland and Thames, then do not be surprised by the sight of a smallish boat been towed by a mythical creature---with a large colourful tail!The craft will be 'empty,' unless I hitch a ride of course, but there will be cleaning gear aboard---for use in the stately homes of Auckland. Thus---a message to share--- there is a very good cleaner in Thames, who is happy to come to Auckland to sort out your mess---do not be concerned---he leaves the tail on the boat and assumes human form---just don't push him into a full bath---he will grow a tail. Plus---it will slow down the cleaning of your house. Enjoy the unusual sight tomorrow and other days and do not hesitate to get in touch with me if you want your home cleaned to a standard that most humans can only dream upon! (neilcolemanauthor@gmail.com) Get in touch. OK---I'm off to polish and make sure the mertail is up to the journey!