Clinical supervision---my special day.

Today I attended the last of my training to complete my Clinical Supervision Certificate. That allows me to offer another string to my range of skills above and beyond counselling. Having worked in the latter position for more than 20 years I can now 'supervise' other counsellors and those in similar roles. I have always enjoyed the supervision I have received from other supervisors and not only is it a requirement for me to partake in this process, it is a means whereby I can reflect and extend myself as well as stay safe, both for myself and my clients. Now I am able to do the same for other counsellors. I look forward to building on my skills and contributing to this wonderful group of people who work with people and 'walk' along side them as they hold out a hand of hope for those who feel that life is testing them. Please feel free to contact me, via my website (follow the link re 'sending me a message' if you wish to talk about how I can help re your supervision, or to find out more about 'supervision' and how it may help you. I would like to send a huge thanks to the people who trained with me and the wonderful 'facilitator, John McAlpine who guided us on our journey.
www.authorneilcoleman.com

New Zealand is about to ban shark fin fishing---about time!

I have always been sickened by the total selfishness and absolute waste, not to mention the cruelty of shark fin fishing. How can anyone justify the practice whereby, the 'fisherman' takes a live shark, cuts off the fins and then throws the shark back into the sea, to die a horrible death and threaten the very existence of this creature that has a purpose in the bigger picture. All this in the name of some spurious cultural belief that those eating the product will receive some health benefit. Those countries who receive the fins are environmental terrorists and I defy any of them to justify this archaic and unnecessary practice. Well done NZ, Government and don't be bullied by that huge nation, read China, who has refused to sign into the ban that many countries will impose. Shame on you!
www.authorneilcoleman.com

New Zealand police in a difficult positon over the Roast Busters case.

There is a widely held view in New Zealand that the police have not done enough to follow through on the Roast Busters affair. It needs to be said that the police reflect society as a whole. They do not exist in a vacuum. They represent mainstream New Zealand society  in general? Why have we got to this point whereby a group of young men feel that they can entice young girls into a position where they are severely compromised and become victims of some damned nasty actions. These young men do not exist as an example of something unusual. The actions they are alleged to have taken are not a stand alone example. Unfortunately this behaviour has been acted out on a daily basis in any New Zealand town or city. What is different is that we hear about it on a vast scale as the social media formats take us to places we have never been before. What is even more obvious is that this damages the picture of how we want to be portrayed as a nation. 'Middle Earth' takes on a new meaning; one that we could well do without.
We must be careful that we do not 'turn on ourselves.' We do not need vigilante actions and create yet more victims as enraged parents take it upon themselves to 'punish' these young men. They must face the forces of the law and enter programmes that change their behaviours. This is not a time for kneejerk reactions. What would that achieve, other than soothing the anger of those either directly affected or those who take umbrage at the inactions of our police? Now is the time for considered action; action that helps to change the way we act towards one another, indiscriminate of age or sex. If we limit our responses to simply 'getting back' at these young men, then we are blinding ourselves to what is happening in society in general. Lets take a stance that leads towards correcting what is wrong about how we bring up our young people. Let's take the time to engage with our young people and give them what they need most from us---time and love; love that knows what they are doing at anyone time and that creates boundaries within which 'good behaviour' is more likely to flourish. That will most definitely mean looking at our own role modelling.
www.authorneilcoleman.com

Bugger!----I watched the Shopping Channel---I should not have.

Actually, there are three shopping channels available now and I rarely watch them, but somehow tonight, I was bored and I hooked on to The Shopping Channel.co.nz. I don't know why I sat there, mindlessly watching and slowly getting sucked in. Before I knew it I had purchased a 'miracle whiz' (get one free---hope Janice isn't reading this, cause guess what is going in her Xmas Stocking). I was most impressed by the different uses and despite all the warnings I have heard and my convenient forgetfulness re past experiences of 'As Seen On TV ' appliances that inevitably end up in the shed to be later sold for next to nothing on Trade Me, I went ahead. The fact that I admit to this terrible failing says heaps eh. I suppose I have reached a time where being embarrassed is not something that guides my decision making processes. Oh what the hell, I shall probably forget that I have ordered the 'gift' and when it arrives I shall just pretend that someone nice has sent me an early Xmas surprise!
www.authorneilcoleman.com

Stop attacking schools for the actions of a group that 'society' has spawned

I was saddened to read an article in the Herald today that reported  that some individuals have labelled Avondale College as being insensitive to those victims of  the Roast Busters and other bad teenage behaviours. All school will have students who engage in inappropriate behaviours, many of them outside school and they can only have an 'influence' at best on out of school behaviours, even less so now, in the age of instant communication with 'others' all around the world. Yes, it is true that the actions of some students may not be addressed, simply because of the shear number of presenting issues that schools face on a daily basis. To the best of their abilities and resources, schools respond, but we often hear disgruntled parents lambasting their local school because 'issues' have not been dealt with to the level that parents require or wish for. Schools reflect society and they receive the students that homes send; often searching for a balance between the parents' rights to bring up their children with the demands that the law places on school and other institutions. If schools delve too far into what many parents see as their responsibilities, then they raise the ire of one group, then if they do not intervene on other occasions, they equally anger another group for not acting soon enough. Schools are therefore caught in the middle, every day as young people bully, put up pages on Face Book and other social media and then reap the results. It is true that many of these 'postings' go way beyond the reasonable and are instantly available to an audience that surpasses the intent of the original 'poster.' It is hard enough for schools to process what happens in school, never lone what happens outside or on the net!
If we wish to change the behaviours of young men  then we cannot leave that responsibility to the schools alone. It is too easy to lay blame on the schools of New Zealand and elsewhere. When we see the problem as one based on society as a whole and seek collaborative approaches that involve all groups and look closely at what has led to this situation, then maybe we have a chance to reverse what has gone so horribly wrong for so many young people, who are after all the parents of the future. Does that not scare you, if we leave parenting and educating to 'chance' and monetary driven policies!?
www.authorneilcoleman.com

Holly Chase: Maybe I should follow your example---'recycle, recycle and lets do it again!

I thought that Holly was a really good example of what used to happen. People didn't throw away perfectly good clothing in the past. They passed it down to younger siblings or at least sent it to Op-shops, to begin new life in the loving hands or an ordering 'body.'
Given the Bariatric surgery journey for the last 7months of my life I have to yet again decide what to do with 'mark three' of my wardrobe. When I looked at the bulging wardrobe this morning I had trouble finding more than a third of it that doesn't make me look like a scarecrow. I guess it will be online shopping again over the next few weeks and figuring our what to do with clothing that in some cases only been worn about 4 times. What is a bit disappointing is that I really like some of the items hanging there, almost screaming out to me that I 'don't love them anymore.' I gently remind them that the only thing that is lost is a load of fat and that I shall endeavour to find them good homes. I won't subject them to the Trade Me route as that has just costs me money as people don't follow through on their bids--lazy buggers! Imagine how a nice jacket feels to be singled out as 'desirable' and then 'left at the alter.' So, I guess it will be give away time again and then I shall 'replace, replace and again replace; this time in the knowledge that I that I think I have finally settled on a good weight for me. So Holly, thanks for the inspiration. Maybe I shall check out the Op-shops when I take some of my stuff down to them.
www.authorneilcoleman.com

Willie Jackson and John Tamihere draw the ire of many listeners on their talk back show.

Willie Jackson and John Tamihere are both very popular talkback hosts. At times I have listened and enjoyed some of their more gently unPC comments, all in the name of ‘showmanship and entertainment.’ Both are not known for suffering fools or some of the more serious callers, sensitively, who call in on a range of subjects. Both are former politicians and it was my belief that John was about to return to the Labour Party folds and try to get back into Parliament. Maybe I am wrong on that score but if he is intending on going down that road, he may have done himself some damage as a result of his comments and the way he and his co-host handled a caller who was trying to relay her experience re the ‘Roast Buster’ experiences.

This time, both me may have been just that bit ‘too smarty pants,’ and ended up belittling the young lady who called. As a result they have received threats, causing the radio station to bring in extra security and the damage does not stop there. Advertising revenue has been cut from their show and from the station in general. Any half-hearted apologies either from the two men or the station seemed to have fallen on deaf ears as the advertising dollars dry up. ‘Management’ is alleged to have spoken to the two men.

We all know that both men are ‘men’s men.’ No--I don’t mean they are gay! I mean that they like to be a bit edgy in their comments around a range of issues and they do not always see eye to eye with many groups in society that promulgate fairness around women’s issues and other minority causes. Put even more simply, they like to provoke around social issues and it is this tendency that has made them popular and a little off-side with sectors in the community. One could say that this is the nature of talk back radio, a subject that I portray in my latest book, TALK TO ME, and that to be successful in their chosen endeavour, they need to take it to the edge. Let’s face it, if they were boring, no one would listen.

Those who listen to talk back radio, thinking that it serves as their main source of information about how the world works are at best mistaken. If they chose to listen and to not take it too seriously, then perhaps talk back radio is doing what it is meant to do: provide a platform whereby listeners can hear, take part in discussion and be entertained at the same time. There is a very fine balance that can easily be tilted towards the inane and the stupid, if not be downright insulting.

I believe that this time, John and Willie have gone too far in the way they handled that young woman. I know that both men will have their supports and the sad reality is that despite their stance, they well have drawn even more listeners who revel in such actions. The advertising dollars lost may well be won back and then some, simply because people want to be shocked.

But, guys---your words and actions should be held up to review and you need to take account for the way you have mishandled on this occasion and front up---big time. We want a better NZ, not a more dangerous one, but at the same time, don’t lose that spirit you both have; one that I really enjoy, most of the time.

www.authorneilcoleman.com