On the 'Coast,'---I just can't do it!~------

I have tried so hard to make the transition from the madness of Auckland, but there are just some things that I can not do. It has taken me a while to get it---to realize that it is simply too much----to achieve the 'place' in my life where I can handle this serious issue---it jumps up on me all the time. I did not think that such manifestations of a life that was left behind in Auckland would creep up and affect me in this way---but it has.I guess---for some people---it would be too much and they would give in---but I thought I would give it one more try. Here's how it panned out today. While Rio was getting a hair-cut, I thought I would test yet again this strange phenomenon: just ONCE more. Perdy and I dropped Rio off in the main street and headed for the walk behind the field and the supermarket. My anxiety levels were bubbling away---gradually increasing. I was determined not to let the beast get to me---it bloody well did!'It's OK, Perdy,' I said, trying to make sure she didn't suffer from the 'spill-over' effect--you know---pick up on my anxiety! The first target approached; a dear old lady in one of those ubiquitous ride-on wheel chairs. 'Don't worry, Perdy---we will just ignore her and rush past her--no worries, eh!' Yeah right. No sooner had we approached within hailing range when the sweet old lady committed the sin of demanding an interaction of the non-Auckland category----you know---taking time to talk! 'Is she friendly?' she asked--then, 'May I touch her?' I looked at Perdy as if to say--'over to you little hairy friend.' Perdy sniffed and the lady was able to bend from the riding device, which as per usual, garnered my interest, in the admission that such a machine may well be part of my future, hopefully one that does not attract a fine like the one I received today for my excessive speed! Five minutes later, the gracious lady released us from her clutches and sent us on our way, having invited us to partake in similar meetings in the future. Two minutes later, then five after that, the experience was 'mirrored'---over and over again. Perdy seems to have accepted that 'this is life on the Coast,' suggesting to me that I better bloody well just get on with it and 'get in the groove re Coastal life.' This is what people do--and guess what---I give up and will just enjoy it. I love this slower pace and yes, I CAN DO IT. I suspect that I am not a shy ex-Aucklander! I was just hiding my shyness in the mangroves that flank the walkway. Yeah----I can do it and to hell with time!

Talk back radio---wow---thank God-the callers aren't running the country---maybe they are!

I often listen to Talk Back radio---Call it 'research,' if you like--or 'punishment,' if you feel like it. Maybe the callers represent 'Middle New Zealand,' that possibly large segment of society that exists 'out there,' silently (Well, not if they are calling in!) suffering the 'impositions' of our elected politicians or the 'perceived threats, that are apparently 'coming to NZ to take over, to impose Sharia law---the list goes on. Some of the 'callers today, may be spurred on by their understanding of what is happening in the USA----you k now---that country that 'have guns, will use, and is at war with itself!' Oops--I am getting ahead of myself. Let's bring it back to NZ. One would think that the many views, as expressed on radio talk back, yeah a bit like "As Seen ON TV,' minus the nice package that arrives on your doorstep, to be stored in the garage for a Trade Me sale, later on! Yes the views expressed are a range of the kooky, the sublime, the take the piss and the occasional gem!I see talk back as entertainment and I know---that will be seen as arrogant, but if you listen to enough of it, it is either that stance or one where you become hot under the collar. Bottom line---- to the the radio stations, it is ABOUT making money: nothing more, nothing less! Yeah I know, some of you see the programmes as a 'mouthpiece of the incumbent Government'---the radio stations merely lackeys for the former. OK---I love to take the piss. Wanna know what I mean? Then----go to my website and download my book Talk To Me.' If you want to take it seriously and get back to me with enlightened arguments as to the 'falseness of my 'story,' then go for it.Go to the site and follow the links for the download---it will cost you stuff all and you may suffer form a few giggles or outright---rage! Your choice. Oh---while you are at it---download ROSKILL Right ---get busy and start downloading and sharing my post. Who's that girl in the picture? Why---she's the STAR of Talk To Me. www.authorneilcoleman.com

Tales and tails from the Coast!

There be many strange tales emanating from the Coast. You may not always be there, first hand to hear, to observe, hence my propensity to illuminate your day with a direct report from the 'source' of some rather unusual sights. I even predict some discomfort re some of these episodes---sort of in the vein of a 'warning,' because one does not want to cause any issues on the 'morrow.' AS some of you may know, a growing number of Aucklanders are moving to the Coast---Thames in particular and then make the daily journey back to the big smoke for work. Others, like myself, only return a day a week and even then, try to find an excuse NOT to make the journey. The Coast is a place of magic, of fantasy, so there are other solutions for the more 'unusual amongst us. Take for example, someone very close to me---he has come up with his solution for the journey, quite different and I suspect, not one that most of us would attempt. For a start it involves the use of a tail and given the natural human resistance to wearing a tail---well-------oh come on folks---they have been around for aeons---mermaids and mermen! So---if you are travelling by boat or any other floating craft tomorrow, because you either work in or on the sea, or transverse the shorter distance between Auckland and Thames, then do not be surprised by the sight of a smallish boat been towed by a mythical creature---with a large colourful tail!The craft will be 'empty,' unless I hitch a ride of course, but there will be cleaning gear aboard---for use in the stately homes of Auckland. Thus---a message to share--- there is a very good cleaner in Thames, who is happy to come to Auckland to sort out your mess---do not be concerned---he leaves the tail on the boat and assumes human form---just don't push him into a full bath---he will grow a tail. Plus---it will slow down the cleaning of your house. Enjoy the unusual sight tomorrow and other days and do not hesitate to get in touch with me if you want your home cleaned to a standard that most humans can only dream upon! (neilcolemanauthor@gmail.com) Get in touch. OK---I'm off to polish and make sure the mertail is up to the journey!

Perdy went to Mars today!

I was inevitable---yes I have finally flipped---gone to the 'other side,' gone crackers! It had to come to this---from a simple 'observation from afar,' I have crossed the bridge----yeah--that bridge to nowhere! Call it Erewhon if you must, but today was a special day. Yes, whilst at the doggie walk venue, with Perdy, I espied a delight to behold: a giant apparition that seemed transfixed---returning the gaze that Perdy had sent its way. The brown glorious creature was a huge Poodle and it was running free----remember, Perdy has not been allowed off-leash since her various escapades around the township if Thames. I continued to walk along the pathway, the one that overlooks the mangroves. Just before we crossed to the area behind the big supermarket, the huge dog ran up to Perdy. Yes---all the sniff-greets ensued, followed by Perdy bursting to the length of her restraints, exhibiting that famous--'lets run mate,' behaviour. 'Let him go mate,' the guy implored. 'She will just piss off across the field and chase all the cats,' I returned in that gently correcting manner I have perfected when someone mistakes Perdy for a bloke. 'I've got treats' he returned and that was all i needed. I crossed my fingers, and steeled myself for a major chase if things didn't go to plan.Never believe anyone if they try to tell you that dogs don't smile----they fecking do! It was all on. The two dogs chased one another, they flipped, nudged at speed and even though there was a massive difference in size, Perdy led the way. It was bedlam, warmed up on toast, served with a dripping pleasure that just warms the faulty cockles of my heart. The term, 'flat out,' accurately describes the vision that flashed passed us as one or the other chased, then reversed thrust, transversing the field and disappearing into the distance. THEY CAME BACK! The guy offered Perdy a morsel of cooked chicken and she sat mildly as i out her lead on. 'You did well girl,' I said proudly. If only she can repeat the experience and avoid the crazy dashes to freedom that could go so wrong. The secret is to have a dog she can play with and treats to bribe.Life will be less stressful and Perdy will get those runs she so needs to keep her sane! Mars----Perdy did go to Mars---Mars was and is the beautiful huge brown Poodle!

New Zealand 'stories.' Check them out.

I am always intrigued by the fact that many different countries read my blogs. I am also thankful. Now, my friends, take the next step and read 'stories from New Zealand.' Just go to my website and follow the steps and links to my 'downloads. If you have a reading AP, then please download my two books on the site---'ROSKILL' and 'Talk To Me.' There is even a free Kindle AP on the Amazon link. If you want hard-copy of Roskill, just get in touch with me via my email. for a much better deal. neilcolemanauthor@gmail.com

Coastal 'produce!' Hopefully that is what I shall serve you!

From time to time, friends drop in to my rustic little home in Tararu, Thames. I love making them a cuppa, or a coffee. If they time it right, there will also be a meal awaiting. I have made some other 'discoveries,' whilst searching for a ball, that Perdy had failed to retrieve, because she was 'otherwise engaged,' chasing after some other exotic beast or fragrance. Amongst the growth, it is me who makes these discoveries. I have been informed that what I thought were tomatoe plants, that had sprung up at the end of summer, only to fall prey to the vagaries of the weather, will actually survive the mild Tararu winter.I have been reliably informed by a very knowledgeable neighbour, that these tomatoes will be true to form and that they are 'Heritage' varieties. I must say that they look pretty damned healthy and the one frost we sort of had, did nothing to impair their growth. I guess that means that when spring arrives. they will have a head start. I look forward to an early harvest. I have chillies and capsicums, still producing, albeit it at a slower rate, but I intend to leave them and plant a few more just to be sure of a bountiful harvest later on. There are mnay fruit trees that are already just about to burst into blossom. I will check out some safe sprays to ensure a healthy and pest-free product. The fruit bowl will hopefully match the largess of the veggie garden. If the garlic sprouts are anything to go by---then I shall not be visiting the fruit and veggie shops very often. Roll on 'productive season!'

On the Coast they don't spell 'Walkies' the same way---it is------

I know---I make heaps of typos when I 'massage' the keyboards here---and I do not see them until much later. 'Take your time,' you say. Nope---that's not how I write; I need to get it down, the words flowing more naturally that way, the ideas flitting around in my brain, then disappearing---receding into some dark recess, never to surface, except in my dreams. Some would say, I have entered a permanent dreamworld down here on the Coast! But---there is a word that is constantly used in this house---'barked' rather than spoken, except by me. The 'barkee,' is a four legged dominating little bundle of hair. So---when I say, walkies or she orders that time of the day, which can be up to three times, on a good doggie day, then one must jump to it. However, Perdy does not have it all her own way---yes, we walk and then--STOP. Walkies becomes---TALKIES, and the word transitions into yet more long conversations between myself and whoever it is that is similarly disposed to passing the time of day, expressing opinions, receiving good advice---or questionable suggestions---it's all the same to Perdy---it is an interruption of her 'time!' I must say, she has adapted to the many occasions, whereby I stop, meet, greet and opine my way through the day. I guess she has come to accept the new meaning of 'walkies,' only occasionally showing her displeasure when it really does go on for too long! I think Perdy has become a true 'Coaster,' too!!!!