Fat Bugger ---part 4

How have I been going?  I am not going to give you a list of all the bad things I have eaten. I am sure you have all seen the list in the NZ Herald of all of the foods that are ‘said to be bad for people trying to lose weight.’ What do I make of it?

I have to say it is a bit like the ‘Tui’s’ Advertisement. For those of you who haven’t got a clue what I am talking about, suffice it to say that NZ is a bit like the PC (Political Correctness) capital of the world. Just imagine a bunch of young Kiwi blokes and some scantily clad young ladies. Put that mix into an advert for beer and chuck in a bit of ‘harmless’ imagery, some laughable scenarios (Oh, damn---just Google Tui TV Ads and maybe it will come up and you will get the picture). The debate in NZ (it’s all over the talkback radio shows at the moment) has created quite a discussion. On one side you get the Feminists who talk out ‘sexualizing young women,’ and on the other, and I suspect it is the vast majority, who say that ‘what’s wrong with a bit of harmless fun. I shall leave you to make-up your own mind.

The ‘great food debate,’ about all the foods we shouldn’t eat, especially fatties like me--- well it has taken on a similar theme. The debate ranges from the—‘OMG--- the ‘food Nazis are back, telling us how to live our lives.’ The list came from some researchers at Otago University, one of our excellent tertiary institutions in NZ. To be fair---there isn’t anything unusual on the list and it should be seen as a guideline, but then again; the researches just don’t get it. How many diets (Damn—I said I wasn’t going to use that word) are internally flawed, simply by the fact that they restrict certain foods, or ban them altogether. Don’t they understand human nature? What does the ‘body’ do if it is deprived of a favourite food---- IT REBELS, and no amount of pontificating about ‘being strong’ or getting real will make a difference.

Many of my friends and colleagues, get on the ‘YO YO train.’ Isn’t that a bit pointless? The weight goes back on and then some. Denying a ‘treat’ can only lead to an eventual blow-out and all of the guilt that entails. The end result? --- We give up again until the next round. This list just feeds into that scenario.

So it’s back to the simple; ‘you have to burn more than what you put in.’ So, it’s balance and getting as much exercise as you can. Do what I did--- get a dog. At least I have stopped putting weight on and I am definitely fitter and have more energy. Am I losing weight? I don’t really know, because I only weigh myself once every three months at the doctors and once he has chased me around his office, trying to get me on the scales---- well I shall tell you after the next visit in about two and a half months. Now a ‘to make you feel better at someone else’s expense story’. Aren’t I an evil bugger?

I was sitting down at the little beach near where I live. A tiny Nissan pulled up. There were two people in the car, one in the front (the driver), and one in the back seat. A little lady jumped out of the back and waited patiently for her friend. What was only seconds, but felt like an eternity, passed as the lady driver ‘poured, stretched, and struggled to escape from the driver’s seat. I have no idea what possessed her to drive such a tiny little car. I had mixed feelings, ranging from sadness at her plight and yes, a bit of---‘at least I ain’t that big, eh?’ She looked incredibly uncomfortable and I can only imagine what health problems were lurking in her huge body. I could hear her strained breathing from about five metres away. It made me think----‘I must get on top of this.’

I looked at my lunch. Oh, I had forgotten to tell you that I had been to a bakery on the way to the beach and about the ‘food from the list,’ I had brought, stemming from some sort of rebellious thoughts I had been harbouring all day. I had discarded the idea of fruit juice and settled for a ‘sugar-free’ option, but I had purchased a meat pie (that’s a real Australasian icon, folks in the USA and elsewhere) and a high calorie chocolate slice, much like an American Brownie. (Yes that’s what we call it here--- is that PC in the USA? ---LOL).

I consumed the puffy-pastried pie, savouring every last morsel, while the marauding seagulls looked greedily on. Suddenly, the lady looked my way and at the slice, poised at the entrance to my mouth, hovering just out of reach of my salivating tongue. Her gaze shifted to the gulls, seemingly daring me to throw it at them. I may have been in the car, but she could tell that I was but a smaller version of her. I smiled and threw the remains of the slice at the birds, feeling little better that I had only consumed a miniscule portion.

Wouldn’t you know it---? the bloody seagulls, took a peck and then ignored it--- surely they hadn’t read the article in the Herald? The lady smiled and it seemed that we understood one another. We both have a battle on our hands. Looking back in the rear vision mirror as I drove away, the gulls were still ignoring the now melting slice. Maybe the rats would eat it!

Sometimes I wonder why the USA-----

Sometimes I wonder why the USA gets itself into these stupid overseas ‘adventures.’ You know the ones I mean--- like, Vietnam in the 60’s and early 70’s and the current escapade in Afghanistan. Of course they are not alone--- they have dragged in quite a few ‘friend’s, including the Eurozone countries and the ANZACS.

To be blunt, I guess we do it curry favour, for trade and possibly some imagined future protection; we think we will need at some stage. Long gone are the days when we could call on Mother England and I doubt that our burgeoning relationship with China is going to deliver in that area.

So why is it that the good old USA acts as the world’s ‘policeman?’ Who gains? We all know the military/industrial sector gains, purely from a financial perspective and that is a mainstay of the American economy. We also understand that access to oil has long been a driving force for foreign policy. But is there something else?

The USA has been influential on the world stage for many decades, possibly even before WW2, and for a while after the demise of the Cold War and the dissolution of the old Soviet Union, it has had the stage to itself. Now, however, it watches the rear view mirror as China slowly but surely gains ground. Then there are a raft of emerging nations (Brazil, India) playing catch-up, at the expense of the old colonial European-zone nations.

But the USA still sees itself as the dominant nation. My question is--- who pays for this self-delusion? The answer is simple--- not the banks, or the other big companies, because you can be sure that they will have ‘hedged’ themselves against huge losses.

It is of course the common and should I say it--- the ordinary citizen. To stretch the point a little further, it is the young guys and women who make up the vast majority of the armed forces, who face being bombed, shot at, vilified and God knows what else, who hold the torch for the politicians and the untouchable wealthy. We have seen it all before in the 19^th Century, when the arms manufacturers, managed to make huge profits, no matter which country they hailed from.

I would like to think, that at some stage, the USA will get the message and start looking after its wonderful people in a very different way, and stop trying to fight unwinnable wars. I’m not saying that a return to ‘Isolationism’ is the answer--- but take a hard look at yourself USA--- and get out and vote so that you don’t have presidents who only represent about a third of the eligible voters. Would the world fall apart if you pulled back a bit? Who says that you have to ‘contain the Taliban’ because you are standing up for human rights or some other spurious excuse?

I am sure many of you will say that my little tirade is nothing more than the naive words of someone who doesn’t see the whole picture. Perhaps I just don’t see a scorpion under every rock. I do however see too many graves with the USA military insignia proudly displayed--- for what?  You decide.

Perhaps I am also saying---‘go well--- go in peace’ and maybe, ‘let the buggers sort out their own problems,’ because unless the likes of China, India, and Russia are behind you, you are on a hiding to nothing.

COMING SOON---I AM GOING TO BLOG MY NEXT BOOK!

Yes---- Once I have the ISBN number for my next book--- I am going to stick it on here--- crazy?---- Probably. But, what have I got to lose? Maybe a publisher will pick-up on it.
So what is this 'new book?

'TALK TO ME,' is a tongue-in-cheek' 'taking the piss,' swipe at the talkback industry. It stars ME as the talk-back host and yes, my dog features too. What happens when my 'walking friends discover a body down at the Onehunga Lagoon and then a  'caller' tuunts me on the air with all sorts of challenges and then does the most outlandish, nasty  thing he could do to me---- HE BLOODY KIDNAPS MY DOG! (DOGNAPS?)
Who is behind this cruel act?

Watch out for the blog--- won't be too long.

I love Crown Lynn

If you think I have just divulged the ‘love of my life’ you are only partly correct. If you have no idea what, who, whatever Crown Lynn is then you have a choice--- you can learn by feasting your eyes on my blog or you can skip it, but I suggest you choose the former.

Most Kiwis over the age of forty will have come into contact with CL (Forgive me for the shortcut) and have no doubt compared it to the cheap crockery that now poses as ‘dinner ware.’  How many times have you dropped a piece of CL and been amazed that it didn’t break? How many of you have cursed at the nasty imports that chip as soon as they ‘touch’ another dish in your dishwasher?

Have you caught on now what I am talking about? Even my slightly older friends in parts of the USA know CL. You used to import it in the hazy past, before it became a victim of ---‘lets buy the cheaper crap’.

Crown Lynn is and was a New Zealand icon, employing about 1400 workers and artisans before its demise in the late 80’s. There would be very few homes in NZ that didn’t have at least few a pieces of CL. It featured as wedding gifts, Xmas presents and as a common everyday purchase. Many Aucklanders used to visit the factory shop to buy the ‘seconds.’

The CL storey has been written about in several books and in trade magazines. Where did it all begin? Like many successful companies, CL had a humble beginning as a manufacturer of field tiles, insulation units and various other products. After an amalgamation with neighbouring ventures, CL was born, along with its ‘made in New Zealand,’ logo. WW2 gave it a boost and the ‘protective era’ of the post war period added further impetus.

CL was innovative and its ‘specials department’ (possibly not the exact title) was responsible for thousands of examples that have now become very collectable. At one stage, CL was the largest producer of domestic wares in the Southern Hemisphere.

AS time has gone on, many Kiwis have a soft spot in their hearts for CL products. You can still see many examples, displayed proudly in china cabinets or shelves in thousands of homes. Furthermore, it is not hard to find CL still in use. Take me for example. I ridded myself of most of the imports (apart from English China of course) and now if I have a large gathering (and for everyday use) I serve my offerings on CL or Temuka (that, my friends is another wonderful story).

Now that I have started this quest to re-tell the CL storey, I hope I have piqued your interest and prodded your feelings of nostalgia.

LONG LIVE CROWN LYNN

The bad quality picture features some of the less common examples form the late 50’s and early 60’s.

Fat Bugger---part 2

What--- no comments?  What’s wrong with you lot? I don’t care if you parade a whole raft of clichés or put-downs, just say something. I won’t insult you even if you take a totally opposite position to mine.

OK, I’ve got that out of my system, so I can proceed. I did sleep on my blogs and wondered what the hell I would write for the follow-up to my last blog. I kind of left it hanging and had thrown out a personal challenge to myself. I put it out there that I have had a range of experiences and tried quite a few ‘DIETS.’ Right, I shall try not to use that word again.

I told some friends (who don’t read my blogs) what I am attempting. Out came the same old, same old pearls of wisdom. I felt like screaming---‘BUT I HAVE F---TRIED THAT!’

‘Well you just didn’t stick to it then did you,’ someone said. That’s true--- I find it hard to stay on track. You know how it goes. For a few weeks or months, everything goes well, and the weight slips away, 'never to return.' What I have noticed is that the more ‘strict or restrictive the regime, (see--- I didn’t use the D word) the more likely one (me) is to build up a craving for something ‘naughty.’ There are pathways that allow a certain amount of treating, but at some stage the---‘well one won’t hurt will it,’ and before you can say, ‘I’ll be back on the wagon tomorrow.’

Now, I am speaking for myself. I shouldn’t put my crap on you. My failings don’t have to be yours, but if you are honest--- well--- you fill in the rest. The fact is that I have a ‘sweet tooth’ and a ‘taste' for savouries. Take this in a new direction and---- yes--- I am a foodie. I love to read about it, watch TV and go to as many food shows as the budget allows. Add my propensity to buy the ‘latest gadget’ and fill cupboards and storage areas with the aforementioned devises, some never to be used, or left forgotten, only to be rediscovered and resurrected, probably because a new TV food show has  caught my attention.

I think to myself---‘is this my downfall--- this OBSESSION with things ‘gastronomic?’ Perhaps I need to say that I also love cooking for others. I may not do it on quite the scale as I used to, when it wasn’t unusual to have more than 10 at a dinner party. God only knows how things would have been if I had had a formal dining room. Now the gatherings are more modest--- maybe 4-8 at the most, except for special occasions (like when my blog hits 5000). I have many happy memories of these fun and noisy events, accompanied of course by lots of wine--- that too has assumed a more modest appearance. There is nothing to regret about all of this, other than the fact that most doctors would say that I have had my share of the ‘good-life.’ The bottom-line is that I want to collect my pension (Damn it--- I will still call it that--- because it’s easier to type than ‘superannuation.’) Are my new friends in the USA getting my drift? I don’t think you are that different to NZ and the ‘Fatness debate’ is alive and well there.

OK--- I have only moved a little in this blog. That’s because I am gathering my thoughts and trying to get a theme, or some ‘self-discovery’ going. I am not a scientist so I rely on my reading, media and observations about what hasn’t worked for myself and the battles of people I know who charge at the chocolate covered windmill.

How have I gone this week?  Hehehe--- you will have to wait until the week ends eh. I shall try not to lie about what I have eaten.

Here we go again--- FAT BUGGER---Part 1

I went to see my doctor today for my usual three monthly check-up. When you hit a certain age and carry weight like you are collecting for Oxfam (Oooh--- bad analogy!)   you have to have these appointments. At one stage I used to joke with the doctor about making retirement age. He thinks he can manage that as long as I continue my ‘stringent’ management programme. (He assures me that he doesn’t read blogs, so I am safe from his wrath, unless one of you buggers tells him.

I’m a big bloke----OK?! Those of you who knew me when I attended Teachers training College in Epsom way back in the late 60’s and early 70’s would know my nickname was ‘TWIGGY.’ Bloody hell, I was SKINNY. I only weighed about 65KGS and almost had abs. Go on--- beg me to put up a picture. I won’t unless I get at least ten comments. I didn’t get ‘fat’ until I hit the big five O.  After that magic age, gravity and kilos combined to change my profile.

I tried heaps of diets—you name it I either considered it or tried it.  Did they achieve their verbose claims? Yes they did, for a while that is. I achieved amazing results. I threw away my ‘big’ clothes (Hell--- they would be my skinny ones now!) and bathed in the glorious comments form friends and family. ‘OH--- you look great, Neil. How did you do it?’

For every attempt, I lasted at most about six months, before something took over to subvert my regime. I can’t quite put my finger on it. If I could, maybe I would be rich and have millions of followers. I can just see it----

            COME AND HEAR ‘GURU’ NEIL TALK ABOUT HIS BATTLE WITH THE BULGE---A TRULY REMARKABLE, INSPIRING STORY.

ENTRY, ONLY $50. GET IN FAST--- LIMITED SPACES.

Yeah right—dream on boyo. It did not work out that way.

It wasn’t too far into my 50’s that I received the news that Mr Type Two Diabetes was my new companion. ‘Ah,’ you say. ‘Now you’ll get your shit together.’ You reckon? I suppose I did for a while. I knew from experience that GYMs DON’T WORK FOR ME. Oh well there was always another diet or mantra. You know the ones, ranging from the “F” Plan to more scientifically based Low GI diets or ‘Lifestyles.’ But once again--- the missing link, the “X” factor. I hadn’t found it.

Of course I was never alone ion these desperate endeavours. There was always a friend, who wanted to walk alongside me and most of them ended up on the Yo Yo treadmill. Sometimes it was fun. I remember going to Weight Watchers’ weigh ins, jumping on the scales (Of course, only after a visit to the toilet) and then feeling really good when I lost weight. What did I (we) do then? We went to a café for breakfast of course!

I can just hear some of the less than complimentary comments. ‘You lack willpower,’ or ‘you cheat.’ (No--- I just ate too much). The result was always the same. I fell of the wagon. Therein lays a clue to my demise—something akin to what an alcoholic feels. What am I really saying--- that food is an addiction? Well it bloody well is--- to a degree. Yes I hear that---‘there is no bad food--- just the way we eat it.’ Or---‘too much of a good thing.’ Maybe Granma knew best---- portion size---- Another cliché? Yes and no.

Sometimes friends have said---‘You could write a book about weight loss. Nah---- but I will write some more blogs about what I am doing now---- that I have been refused lone of those State Funded operations---- I’M TOO OLD!’ THEY SAID, and I’m not about to spend $17,000 to $20,000. Besides--- I will make yet another attempt, but I have been well-informed that it is nigh on impossible to loose weight by diet and lifestyle alone, and NOT put it back on again, once you hit 40.

Good--- I hope many of you disagree and try to tell me I am wrong wrong wrong. Cool---if that stimulates some of you to get off your f----- oops--- you get the picture.

Catch ya later, after I’ve slept on my ‘self-given’ challenge.

DIJATC part 3--- settling for less?

It may be one year or four, but the day is coming when you won’t get that nice automatic deposit in your bank account. It is going to be replaced by this fractional pittance. Imagine receiving less than a third of what you are used too and in some cases the situation is much worse.

All of a sudden, those bills, including rates, insurance, medical insurance, Sky TV, water, power, telephone, computer; not to mention everyday necessities like----- yes food. Whereas once the budget almost balanced, now it is going to become a nightmare. Something has to give.

As I said before, there are those amongst you who have made plans, so you can stop reading and just go and have a gin or a coffee and watch Coronation Street. Good on ya!

So what are the rest of us going to do? Perhaps we will start by making a list of all of our outgoings. Don’t forget to have a ‘contingency’ category--- you k now one for those little (or big bills) that seem to arrive a regular intervals--- ones that we didn’t bargain for. We have all heard stories about single income families and those on minimum wages. Well--- all of a sudden, we have joined the club.

Firstly, goodbye Sky and the computer contract--- it’s all ‘prepay from now on or ‘Freeview. It’s a pity that the Government is axing some of the channels, or they become harder to get (like Stratos). Forget about medical insurance--- it was becoming more expensive each year anyway.

Leaving lights on, using the dryer and sitting in front of the heat pump (on hot days) will need to be revisited. But cut as you will--- it won’t be enough, so what else can go. I’m beginning to feel like one of those passengers on sailing ships in old black and white movies who had to jettison anything not tied down, in order to get away from pirates.

What can we do to lighten the food bill? OK--- if you have any land at all--- how about growing some veggies and fruit. Isn’t that what our grandparents did on their quarter acre sections? I have fond memories of the garden my dad had along with lots of fruit trees. And MUM--- well she bottled, pickled, made jam and used the freezer (much bigger than the pathetic little box passing for a fridge/freezer in my place).

Holidays----- yeah maybe, if you have somewhere cheap or free to stay and can still drive and maintain your car. Gold Card, if it’s still with us will be fine for those of us lucky enough to live in a city with reasonable public transport.

Don’t let my words get you down. That’s the last thing I am trying to do. If there is time--- like more than a few years, shove away everything you can, either with Kiwi Saver or Bonus Bonds. I have been amazed at how quickly they accumulate. Just forget they are there and perhaps you will hit the ‘day’ and see a little nest egg awaiting your inspection.

I think the key is to start now. Trim the Sky, go to a cheaper plan for your internet, plant your veggies and shop cooperatively. There are heaps of websites out there offering advice. Just Google ‘getting by when I am retired,’ or play around with those words. If our grandparents could make do with less, by being creative, then we too can meet the challenge. Start a ‘forum’ here and lets see what comes up. I’m sure there are lots of ideas about getting by with less, so DIJATC doesn’t have to scare the pants off us. We’re Kiwis and Kiwis can! (Sorry Barack--- Mr President--- Sir).