Friday, February 24, 2012

Fat Bugger ---part 4

How have I been going?  I am not going to give you a list of all the bad things I have eaten. I am sure you have all seen the list in the NZ Herald of all of the foods that are ‘said to be bad for people trying to lose weight.’ What do I make of it?
I have to say it is a bit like the ‘Tui’s’ Advertisement. For those of you who haven’t got a clue what I am talking about, suffice it to say that NZ is a bit like the PC (Political Correctness) capital of the world. Just imagine a bunch of young Kiwi blokes and some scantily clad young ladies. Put that mix into an advert for beer and chuck in a bit of ‘harmless’ imagery, some laughable scenarios (Oh, damn---just Google Tui TV Ads and maybe it will come up and you will get the picture). The debate in NZ (it’s all over the talkback radio shows at the moment) has created quite a discussion. On one side you get the Feminists who talk out ‘sexualizing young women,’ and on the other, and I suspect it is the vast majority, who say that ‘what’s wrong with a bit of harmless fun. I shall leave you to make-up your own mind.
The ‘great food debate,’ about all the foods we shouldn’t eat, especially fatties like me--- well it has taken on a similar theme. The debate ranges from the—‘OMG--- the ‘food Nazis are back, telling us how to live our lives.’ The list came from some researchers at Otago University, one of our excellent tertiary institutions in NZ. To be fair---there isn’t anything unusual on the list and it should be seen as a guideline, but then again; the researches just don’t get it. How many diets (Damn—I said I wasn’t going to use that word) are internally flawed, simply by the fact that they restrict certain foods, or ban them altogether. Don’t they understand human nature? What does the ‘body’ do if it is deprived of a favourite food---- IT REBELS, and no amount of pontificating about ‘being strong’ or getting real will make a difference.
Many of my friends and colleagues, get on the ‘YO YO train.’ Isn’t that a bit pointless? The weight goes back on and then some. Denying a ‘treat’ can only lead to an eventual blow-out and all of the guilt that entails. The end result? --- We give up again until the next round. This list just feeds into that scenario.
So it’s back to the simple; ‘you have to burn more than what you put in.’ So, it’s balance and getting as much exercise as you can. Do what I did--- get a dog. At least I have stopped putting weight on and I am definitely fitter and have more energy. Am I losing weight? I don’t really know, because I only weigh myself once every three months at the doctors and once he has chased me around his office, trying to get me on the scales---- well I shall tell you after the next visit in about two and a half months. Now a ‘to make you feel better at someone else’s expense story’. Aren’t I an evil bugger?
I was sitting down at the little beach near where I live. A tiny Nissan pulled up. There were two people in the car, one in the front (the driver), and one in the back seat. A little lady jumped out of the back and waited patiently for her friend. What was only seconds, but felt like an eternity, passed as the lady driver ‘poured, stretched, and struggled to escape from the driver’s seat. I have no idea what possessed her to drive such a tiny little car. I had mixed feelings, ranging from sadness at her plight and yes, a bit of---‘at least I ain’t that big, eh?’ She looked incredibly uncomfortable and I can only imagine what health problems were lurking in her huge body. I could hear her strained breathing from about five metres away. It made me think----‘I must get on top of this.’
I looked at my lunch. Oh, I had forgotten to tell you that I had been to a bakery on the way to the beach and about the ‘food from the list,’ I had brought, stemming from some sort of rebellious thoughts I had been harbouring all day. I had discarded the idea of fruit juice and settled for a ‘sugar-free’ option, but I had purchased a meat pie (that’s a real Australasian icon, folks in the USA and elsewhere) and a high calorie chocolate slice, much like an American Brownie. (Yes that’s what we call it here--- is that PC in the USA? ---LOL).
I consumed the puffy-pastried pie, savouring every last morsel, while the marauding seagulls looked greedily on. Suddenly, the lady looked my way and at the slice, poised at the entrance to my mouth, hovering just out of reach of my salivating tongue. Her gaze shifted to the gulls, seemingly daring me to throw it at them. I may have been in the car, but she could tell that I was but a smaller version of her. I smiled and threw the remains of the slice at the birds, feeling little better that I had only consumed a miniscule portion.
Wouldn’t you know it---? the bloody seagulls, took a peck and then ignored it--- surely they hadn’t read the article in the Herald? The lady smiled and it seemed that we understood one another. We both have a battle on our hands. Looking back in the rear vision mirror as I drove away, the gulls were still ignoring the now melting slice. Maybe the rats would eat it!

No comments:

Post a Comment