Bossy Bitch

OMG--- it's 'take me for a walk---now!'
If I don't Prime Minister Perdy makes life hell for me and her resources are huge. Her lopsided glance is enough to melt my heart, but the threat of what she is truley capable of, is just below the surface.
The implication of some of those looks leaves little doubt in my mind that I should get off my butt and just 'do it.'
I have made an interesting discovery about Auckland and its parks. I am blessed to be living within a few minutes drive of quite a few. Take the beach just a kilometer away. It's the beach that features in the first story in Coastal Yarns. Instead of driving to the bottom beach, I park in the upper car park and there is an 'off leash' area that leads down to a secluded beach, that on a nice day may well be a 'swimming' beach for us both--- no prying eyes--- thats more for my benefit than Perdy's.
Then there is Kieth Hay Park. What a lovley park--- well over two kilometers of flat walking. Sure it's on the leash, but Perdy pretends that she's free- She get's these funny looks from people, who think they know her from 'somewhere.' Of course when it comes to toileting, she demands that I shield her from the Paparazi.
Today we found another gem. There is a beautiful park just off Hillsborough Road with a beautiful old mansion along with a huge undulating green expanse of lawn with huge tress. I sat with Perdy, after panting up the gentle hill and looked out over the Manukau Harbour. While I gathered my breath, Perdy sat there waiting patiently for me to recover, whilst she surveyed the view. I am sure she made a comment about 'all the people who had voted for her being down there.'
Tomorrow it's back to the lagoon and maybe a second walk in Cornwall Park/One Tree Hill. We shall both have to be on our best behaviour there eh.  That little blob in the centre of the picture is Perdy. The bigger blob is invisable because he was taking the picture!

Pam Corkery

I have been listening to Pam Corkery (hope that is the right spelling) over the last few days. What a blast from the past. The more I listen to her, the more I think that parliament lost something when she and Georgina Byers left.

Pam--- I wish you could read this. I suspect you left parliament because you saw though all the crap and couldn’t stand the total waste of time that it can represent. Democracy is cool but it has its drawbacks, like many of the traditions and procedures that go along with toeing the party line.

I think parliament needs people like you---people who are not afraid to tell it like it is. You don’t play the games that many other politicians (except- Perdy-lol. ) Maybe if you had colleagues, more like you, it would have been different. I like your humanity, your balance and your abhorrence of PC gone mad.

I don’t put you in the same category (and I’m not talking about Parties here) as Maggie Barry. You are something else, so get in touch with Georgina and other like-minded people and come back to us. The Alliance Perdy is gone (well they certainly had no traction at the last election), so I am not sure if the Labour Party could handle you--- maybe you belong in n Z First, but that would mean playing second fiddle to Winston---Mmmm--- not your thing.

If anyone reading this knows how to send this onto Pam--- please do it.  www.authorneilcoleman.com

I still have a limited number of both of my books. Contact me direct at  neilcolemanauthor@gmail.com

I am still not sure what is happening with mu publisher--- it seems like they have shut up shop for the holidays.

Dog food

Today I decided to make up my own dog food for Perdy. She gave  a new role in her Cabinet and given the way all the other humans have gone----to Australia mainly, I thought, what the hell. She said that she wanted to give up on the processed food and that she now wanted ‘natural food.’

So the afternoon consisted of trailing through the internet, looking at various ‘recipes.’ I began with a simple version, consisting of mince, garlic (loads of it), rice, potatoes and some frozen veggies—Watties of course. I cooked it all up in the pressure cooker and then added some ketchup at the end. Yes--- the recipe said to do that and I must admit, it did take it away from the bland taste. OK--- I ADMIT IT--- I TRIED IT--- THE SMELL WAS GREAT AND IT WAS ALL FRESH, SO WHY NOT.

I was silly enough to put it all up on Facebook so now I have people thinking that I’ve lost it! Maybe I should suggest that if anyone is reading my silly stories about Perdy and her ‘election win,’ then I’m in good company.

For the record, I will try out different recipes from as many sources as I can.

Perdy loved the end product, but then again--- she will eat almost anything.

Right I am off to deliver her seconds. She said she is doing an ‘all-nighter,’------something about preparing a speech for the upcoming Commonwealth Heads of Government meeting in Canberra. Maybe I better make up some freezer packs. Now, I better go and turn the light off--- she fell asleep on the sofa.

And I thought it wouyld be easy!

You know what--- this is a dog's life. Oh yes, it was wonderful winning on Saturday night, but now that I have had a few days to try and get a cabinet and move on some critical areas, like building new 'State Kennels and free bone kitchens for Jack Russels--- well I am only trying to show my mates that I care after all. Isn't that what happens everywhere? I know one things for sure--- everybody wants something. The cats from both parties  want well-marked cat crossings on all major roads and the chickens want to keep 50% of all the eggs they raise. Thats all I need-- an explosion of chickens running wild.
Then there's Neil and his mates. I knew it. It wasn't long before he had a line-up, all pressuring me for equal rights for humans. Come on guys-- we won---you lost. Don't you get it? I think you should just be content that we have allowed to you to run your silly human-orientated businesses, almost without constraints. Hey--- it was you who stuffed up the environment--- not us!
The move to Mt Roskill is working out better than I thought. We don't need as much as what you lot had in Wellington. Take for example, all the techno stuff you had. Thats out the window. It's back to basics. God it sounds so damned good litenning to all of that howling. Just think od all the momney we are saving. That can go for the Older Pets and Animals Care Centres.
JUst a note of cuation though. I am hearing rumblings of discontent from certain quaters. Be warned--- we are watching and our new Minister for internal secuturity has assembled quite a team!
I'm enjoying 'Roskill, Neil's latest book.

Perdy Speaks

"Neil has asked me to talk to you about my latest moves in the political world. Ok--- I have been a busy lady-- what with the coaltion talks and trying to please everyone, but just pissing off most. First, I had to placate the Non-Pedigree Cats Party by offering them two cabinet places; Tourism and Education. They were none too please when I made neil Minister of Human affairs, but they will just have to get used to it. I mean what do they know about humans other than licking the hand that feeds them.
Jasmine is showing her ture colours. She used to be head honcho around here at home, but when we move to Wellington, she has said that she won't come. I have had a thought that maybe we can run things from here in MT Roskill. That will need a few chnages, or should I say--- we might have to run roughshod over a few political foes and friends alike.
I am going to ram through a new law about the lenght of Parliament--- lets face it,  us animals don't live as long as you humans so how about we change the term from 3 years to six months? Don't like it?--- too bad. I can feel the power rush.
 I bet that finds favour with the 'Free Chickens Party

"The Morning After

Perdy is now Prime Minister. It was a close thing but it appears that she and her Party can rule with the help of the Non-Pedigree Cat's Party. Mmmm--- Time will tell. Going by the conversations I heard late last night, it may be a rough journey. She was trying to convince Jasmine ( Leader of the Cats party) that I should be Minister for Human Affairs. Jasmine was arguing that she had a better lead on that post and that only she could truly deliver in that area. God help us.
The phone calls went on all night. We even had the Chickens' Freedom Party visiting in the wee small hours. By then  I was jiggered. Luckilly Henabee didn't stay long. She walked out clucking somthing about not been able to trust 'canines.'
The call from the leader of the Governing Party (Former) didn't take the loss well. The polls had been so wrong and losing isn't something that dear Frabius takes well. Back to the farm yard for her party I say. As the only human in the Cabinet of the new Government, I'll have to watch my language. I didn't like the looks I was getting from the new Minister for Policing and Border Control. I suspect that any new human  immigrants will have a difficult time, when they apply to join us in  NZ.
If that wasn't enough, I saw a memo on Perdy's desk with plans for a new division of the Police Force. All I can say at this stage is that--- thank God, I'm close to Perdy. Humans are in for a pretty torid time, if they object to the proposed 'Selling of  Human Assets Bill.
Howeve,r all is not lost for us humans. We shall rebuild our party--- but we will need to keep it under the radar for a while. You may ask--- why are we in this situation? It's damn obvious to me. We had our chances, but we JUST DIDN'T GET OUT AND VOTE!  Need I say more?

Big day eh

It's E day and you need to get out and V. I can't say which party but make sure you keep the family jewels and the things that are God-given.
 I was speaking to Perdy last night and she assured me that things will be fine if we suppport the "Jack Russel Party. She was on the phone last night to the leader of the Freedom for Chickens Party---something about a coaltion with the 'Non Pedigree Cat's Party. Apparently they have split from the Rich Cats from the Central Party--- they just couldn't see paw to paw. Just when I thought she might pay me some attention, like going for a late walk, she started talking to that evergreen politician, Twinson Ceepers. You should have heard them--- I mean, I could hear it from the couch. Twinson was reminding Perdy about the extension he had achieved for the Critters Card--- you know the one that allows free vet care and travel. God, since Perdy's Nana got hers, we hardly ever find her at home; always tripping around. Perdy's a bit pissed, cause she has to wait for years until she can collect hers. She's not at all too pleased with the United Animals Party--- and their idea of staggered access to the Retirement for Animals Fund. The farm dogs are demanding that this apply to them, because they reckon they work harder. Well, Perdy reckons the way she runs about to please me, she deserves at least as much. Not being one who gets too involved, I just watch them all--- night after night on TV, barking, bearing their teeth and promising the world. Oh well, I supppose my loyalty to Perdy means I better vote for her and just hope she teams up with the ones who will look after our clean green doggie parks.