Sunday, March 15, 2020

Bloody technical shite!

Yeah ... sometimes I am challenged by technical or mechanical stuff. When the genes were being sorted for my arrival, the 'Great Decider' must have been a bit miffed. Maybe She decided that my branch of the Colemans had already been assigned a 'fair' portion and that cuts had to be made, or anyone coming after me would have been almost functionally unable to open a marmite jar!

So ... I received what I guess can only be described as 'enough of the practical stuff,' that if applied at a basic level, could lead to ...  not too many disasters. Well ... there have been heaps, but I still have two arms, legs and most of my bodily functions. I've managed to get to almost 70 years without needing an ambulance for accidents. I may have inadvertently caused a few laughs at my expense, but hey ... some people need to laugh at others. It makes them feel better about themselves. I have never been so offended by a friend taking the piss out of me when I have been on the end of smart-arsed remarks about my mechanical and technical skills, that I have needed to employ a hit-man or woman to exact revenge.

I am glad that no one witnessed today's little effort. Mind you ... I am unselfishly sharing the 'event' now ... just to make you all feel superior. I know it feels a bit 'Jonesy,' ... you know ... the 'Shane guy!'
But ... I'm feeling magnanimous ... kind of. Here goes.

Some of you may know that my beautiful little five-year-old Hyundai I.20 (I've had it from birth ... its birth!) has been a bit naughty. Long story, but in short ... the ABS system broke down, badly, necessitating a rather expensive fix, the latest, 10 days since the breakdown, and its bits and pieces being freighted to the South bloody Island. The garage is great. They have lent me a courtesy car for the duration.

I have been driving that around, with all of the little differences, not being too challenging, but sometimes I have to drive my mate's car. So, in the space of two weeks, I have driven three cars. OK ... many of you would not find that an issue, but others have difficulty driving ONE car. I'm somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. Today my gene allocation was tested.

I had to pick up my mate from his work but his car was in front of my courtesy car.  Bugger ... I grabbed the key and locked the Perdy inside (Anyone not knowing the Perdy should probably;ly stop reading, because she's an essential part of my life, in so many ways.) I wasn't in a particular hurry and the Thames version of a rush-hour is kind of cute. With Perdy's barking ringing in my ears, I headed towards the little Toyota Ist. I pushed the key into the lock. It almost jammed, before realizing that I needed to engage the button to unlock it. Buggered if I could make it work. Had I stuffed it by attempting brute force. It wouldn't be the first time I had acted in a macho manner ... and miserably failed!

I kept trying, gently caressing the key in an attempt to employ the 'electronic' of the little key. Hey ... it had a picture of an open lock, so wouldn't anyone push that to unlock it?!  STFU! Stop laughing!
I rang my mate and said that my sister was on the way to pick him up. I thought  I would ring the AA to come and let me into the car. It would be nice to have everything working, with NO DAMAGE, by the time Rio got home.

I tried once more. Then it hit me! The key was labelled Nissan. Wrong fecking key. Do I need to continue?! I think Perdy knew that I was being a feckwit when I grabbed the correct key, and everything returned to normal. Rio said ... nothing. The look did though,

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