Saturday, May 3, 2014

I did warn you, Now I declare all out war!

I have tried to be humane and you threw my efforts back in my face. I was going to 'relocate' you; not into some 'Gulag,' far away in cruel climes and away for the culture you so love. How did you repay me?----You simply carried on your clandestine ways and continued to abuse my undoubted hospitality. It's not so much your presence on an occasional basis; I could have lived with that. I mean---it's not  about money or resources. Your everyday presence disturbed me. Yes, you are unhygienic. That's a bit rich coming from me; someone who is not exactly 'house proud' or one who chases every molecule of dust. Hey what's a duster? I don't know one. It is also about the noises you make when I am trying to sleep. Sometimes I can hear you scuttering about the pantry or other parts of the house, dropping your little poops and trying to break into food that is not yours. Perdy is also annoyed at your nocturnal escapades. She is frustrated and when you invited your girlfriend to 'spend the night,' and just assumed that meant, bringing the outcome of your union into my home, she looked to me to provide an answer to our problem. Yes, you raised a family and things went from bad to--well---more bad! I gave a you a chance to immigrate and to find a nice park or home down the road; one with kids who may well have kept you as their little secret. This has gone on for far too long  and yes, I know I have 'dealt' to three of you over the last month, but you did not get the hint! You have even circumvented my efforts re the traps. Yes, I heard them going off in the night, three times and the evidence was there in the morning, upon which I dispatched your 'remains' down the gurgler. But still---you persisted and entered into some sort of multi-partner arrangement. You took advantage of my kindness and if I allow this to continue---well it will come down to--'-you or me and guess what my furry little rodents--It's gonna be you because as from today I am bringing in the big guns. Luckily you cannot read my declaration of war, because if you could, you would leave immediately. Within the next few days---you are going to leave, not unfortunately for you, by 'choice,' but with a very unhealthy, for you, dose of 'poison.' I am deeply sorry that it came down to this drastic 'all-out' war but you brought it on yourself. Goodbye and please take your poops with you!