‘Talk to me people. Yes I’m back--- so much for the rest of the day off. What’s in the news today? Floods, earthquakes, bombings? Aren’t you glad we don’t heave bombings here? I can’t imagine what it’s like living under the threat of that. God only knows we have enough kooks here without that sort of extreme. What’s on your mind tonight? I know what’s on mind, but maybe I’ll leave that one—I think you know what I mean, if you were listening this morning.’ Damn--- I wasn’t gonna bring that up—Now what? It’s been one tough old day. I see the lights are just coming up on the board. Right--- who do have first---Marge—how are you this lovely evening?’
‘Good evening Garry—so nice to have you on tonight. I get a bit sick of that other one—she doesn’t have any sympathy for the real family people.’
‘Really Maggie?—you could have fooled me. Anyway you know we don’t talk about other hosts—it’s not really fair-- you ring her if you have a beef with her--- OK?’
‘’Right then—That’s not what I rang about anyway--- I want to talk about that couple you had on the other night--- you know--- those two lesbians--- them ones who wanted a baby and were going to do that procedure or get a friend to donate ---Oooh I can’t say it on the radio.’
‘You mean sperm Maggie--- there we are I’ve said it for you. What’s your point-- and don’t forget it was Penny who hosted that night.’
‘Yes I know--- I was really annoyed at her for having that lot on the programme. You know what it says in the bible. God created Eve and Adam not-----‘
God--- it didn’t take long. ‘I think I know where you’re going with this Maggie. You know what--- nearly every day, someone on one of the shows, comes up with that line. Can’t you think of something a little more original?’
‘Garry--- we don’t need anything else. The bible is everything—it tells us everything we have to know and how to behave. Where does it say that two women can have a baby together--- it’s just not right is it?’
‘Not according to Maggie’s version--- no’----‘-Garry let her talk--- she’s funny and it will get them calling.’ Mmmm—that different--- not at all like Jean—wish he was on my shift in the morning.
‘Garry----What would happen to the world if all the women didn’t have men—the world would end wouldn’t it?’
‘Whatever makes you think that all the women would ever want to do that as you say Maggie--- I don’t know too nay Amazonians—well maybe there one I work----‘ Garry—Hehehe.’
‘Well I’ve seen them--- walking along—hand in hand--- disgusting. And as for those poofs that think they can do it too--- it’s not right.’
‘Well that was Maggie, people. Is that going to be the topic for the next few minutes—please--- not hours?’
‘Garry--- that guy---- Todd’s on the line again. He says he has something for you. Sounds like he’s broken into another house.’
‘Jesus---I suppose you want time to keep him on again while the cops try to get it traced--- he’s not stupid--- OK--- do it.’ That’s not how I felt. The swats were back along with a sick feeling in my stomach. What a guy does for is boss. ‘Better be a bonus in this for me boss.’
‘It’s Todd isn’t it? What can I do for you?’
‘Evening Garry. How was your walk? You looked pretty cool down at the bay--- not sure that shirt suits you though---- red? ---- come on Garry---- that’s a gang colour.’ Shit---how---I have to keep cool---shit. ‘Now Garry--- do your job properly--- you know you have to keep me on so they can trace me--- know what?--- they nearly got me last time---- Hehehe not this time tough--- I’m on a cell phone--- I stole it from one of your lady friends’ cars--- a black one---- Hehehe. They wouldn’t even have noticed until later. I bet she thought she had left it at home--- funny old thing, memory eh?’
‘You are a bit of a creep Todd--- you know that don’t you?’
‘Garry--- I wouldn’t talk to me like that if I was you---- Hehehe--- God----now you have me talking like you---- not very cleverly. You are so predictable. Hey do you want me to tell your listeners how I killed that guy?’
‘Garry---‘ Jean interrupted. ‘String him along--- if he gets too graphic--- I’ll cut him off. Are you OK? This is a biggie--- you know that. Apparently we have half the city listening--- it’s amazing what Facebook does.’
‘Garry--- I bet your boss is talking to you. I sense that you get on much better with that one--- is it a guy? Maybe you get on better with guys Garry.’
‘You know what Todd--- I get on with everybody.’ What a bloody liar--- pathetic. ‘You really seem to be prepared Todd---- if you used all these skills you obviously have—you could be a real winner.’
‘Are you trying to patronise me Garry. Keep going I like it--- but it won’t work--- just like it didn’t for that guy down at the lagoon. Nothing he said to me made one bit of difference.’
‘I reckon you’ve killed before Todd—bet that’s not your real name too.’
‘Great Garry---- keep it up.’
‘I’m not stupid Garry--- you’ve made that mistake be---‘
‘I think you just made one now too Todd.’
‘What do you mean? Do you want to hear how I killed him---- that useless piece of shit.’
He’s getting a bit pissed off---he almost said “before”---- I hope that doesn’t mean he knows me a bit more than I think---God--- I’m not sure how long I can keep this up--- Mmmm--- the cops are here--- listening--- what? They want me to keep going.
‘Sure Todd--- but can you do me one favour? You know heaps of people are listening to you.’
‘Of course they are--- what’s the favour Garry?’
‘Can you not be too gory? --- my producer will just cut you off if you do that.’
‘Sure--- fair enough. Now where do I start--- you probably wanna know why him too, of course. Don’t you think I done the world a favour?’
‘That’s not my call Todd. I don’t play God.’ Thumbs up from the cops--- plain clothes I see.
‘Hehehe--- that reminds me of your last caller. She talks--- I act.’
‘What--- you do God’s work? You take a lot on your shoulders Todd—Judge, jury--- the lot.’
‘Wait Todd—I just got two visitors.’
‘Course you have Garry--- you go and chat to the cops then eh.’
Jesus----This is getting creepier by the minute.
‘I know this is hard Garry---- we’ll go for a break and give you a breather--- hopefully he stays on---- Damn---- he’s gone. OK I think the two detectives are back and they want to talk to you--- and by the way---the phones are running so hot, I’m worried they’re going to crash the system. We are also getting hits on the website from all over the place--- just had a call from some outfit in L.A.’
The headphones were wet when I took them off. It’s not as if we have bright lights like TV studios, so it’s not that hot. It’s my energy, fear—God knows what. The producers playing one of the standby interviews and he’s looking pretty happy. I bet the listeners aren’t. It’s not him talking the shit from our weirdo caller.
I walk into the office, which feels incredibly crowded with the two extras. I’m not sure if their faces reflect distain, incredulity or they’re just buzzing with the fact that they have a case that’s going viral on the net. They’re obviously not in the hot seat in quite the same way I am. Well at least I don’t have Jean bothering me--- Damn she runs hot and cold.
‘Hi Tom---Alex. How’s your evening?’
‘It’s getting more and more complicated as we go on. You held that guy---Todd, really well. I don’t want you underestimating the importance of these calls you are getting. That’s what we came to talk about--- It’s reached the point where we probably need to put a watch on you.’
‘You reckon – Alex? Shit--- I’m a bit bamboozled by this, but has it got to that point?’
‘It’s just a precaution Garry.’ The look Tom gave Alex, didn’t do much for me as he said that.
‘What about my friends--- aren’t you worried about them too?’
‘Well--- yes--- they are being g interviewed right now—I suppose you lot are still talking about it, so you’ll find out for yourself,’ Tom said. What is it I don’t like about this guy? Oh yes, he reminds me of Todd when he talks to me. Funny how two people seem similar, but are on totally opposed sides of the law. Maybe I should tell him?
‘Garry--- have you had any thoughts about what’s going on with this guy?’ Mmmm—maybe Alex and Tom are playing, good cop, bad cop. Well it won’t cut with me.
‘I’ve had lots of thoughts, Alex. Shit it’s all I’m thinking about--- like he’s watching my every move--- what’s he gonna come up with next?’
‘OK--- that’s why we want to put a tail on you. You will hardly know he’s there—and we will also be watching your house too.’
‘What! --- Damn--- I hadn’t thought of that. I think I need to have a really good chat with my partner.’ The thought of that low-life bastard possibly knowing where we lived freaked me. God, that puts a whole new light on the missing spring. I stuck a spring on my gate so that when the metre-readers come, they don’t let the dog out, but I noticed it was gone this morning. Hello paranoia.
‘Ah--- that’s underway too Garry, Tom said. Someone’s talking to your partner right now. Can’t have you both going dipsy on me eh?’ That smart-arsed smile is back.
The producer stepped in. Maybe he sensed a little bit of tension. ‘Look--- we have a show to run here. If you want to ask any more questions, you can either wait or do it later. Garry has a break in an hour or so.’ Thanks Pete. I must talk to him about jean’s style later. The detectives left, saying they would be in touch the next morning. Thankfully, Todd didn’t call again--- on that shift. I headed home and had the house to myself. My partner has weird times. It’s hard for us both to get time together. Spot and jasmine seem to take it in their stride though. It means that there’s nearly always someone at home to show off their new tricks. Well, in their mind that’s what tearing up the place is.